Monday, 13 March 2017

The Hazzards of Car Ownership

Some years ago now, our son. Mike, bought himself a new (second hand) car.
     This car was so new that it had a Manual with it.
     A Manual which told you what each of the buttons did. We were all impressed.
     Until we came to read the Manual, and it appeared that everything to do with the car had the potential to result in serious injury or DEATH!
     For example: 'These are the buttons which raise and lower your windows. Doing this while the vehicle is in motion could distract the driver, causing an accident, which could result in serious injury or DEATH!
     'Here is your radio and CD player: inserting a CD or selecting a channel on the radio while the vehicle is in motion could distract the drivers' attention, causing an accident which could result in serious injury or DEATH!'
     It didn't have a tailgate or that would definitely have had very serious safety useage notes - no doubt opening or closing the tailgate while the vehicle was in motion could result in serious injury or DEATH!

     A couple of years ago, Graham managed to hit himself on the forehead while closing our tailgate.
     We were in Sainsbury's car park and he had just loaded the shopping into the back of the car.
     I was already in the drivers seat and when I heard the tailgate slam shut, and glanced in the mirror to see no signs of Graham, I assumed he had rushed off to return the trolley - he has the turn of speed of a young gazelle at times.
     What I didn't realise was that he had hit himself and fallen to the ground behind the car that I was now reversing out of the parking space.
     Happily I reverse slowly and stopped dead when there was a frantic thump on the back of the car.
     I got out to find Graham bleeding magnificently from his self-inflicted head wound and being helped up by two French gentlemen.
     When we got home I saw on the tail gate there was a bloody hand print, which looked like there had been a gruesome murder and I'd obviously been transporting the body!
     Graham still has a scar on his forehead from that encounter. A permanent reminder to be careful how you shut the tail gate.

     So, last week, he did it again ....
     This time I was looking in my mirror, so I saw him go down like a pole-axed ox as he hit himself on the head with the car door. So I didn't reverse over him. As a loving and caring wife, I also managed not to laugh.
     Also this time, as he had managed to hit himself right on top of the head, there was no blood!

     I think maybe I need to write him a check list to use when shutting the tailgate:
1)    Stand well back
2)    Make sure that no part of your body, particularly the head, is beneath the tailgate.
3)    Close the door slowly until it is past ALL body parts
4)    Push the door closed from the outside