It's a Bizarre Business

Being a 'Small Business' - no, smaller than that - I fairly regularly have strange conversations with other businesses trying to sell me something that is not wholly appropriate for us

For example today:
Hello Raven
Hello can I speak to Mrs Sempers?
Speaking.
Hello we have got funding to offer your staff NVQ qualifications which could help your business
There are only two of us and we can't spare one of us the time off to go to college.
Oh no it's nothing like that, we send people out to your business to assess you for two hours once a month on whatever you are doing
That will be interesting
What do you mean?
Well, this afternoon I am making spell kits, I'd be interested to see how you assessed that. Possibly on the effectiveness of my magic?
Er.... perhaps I ought to take you off our list.
Yes I think that would be a good idea.


Or last week:
Hello Raven
Can I speak to Fleet Services please
Pardon?
Whoever deals with your transport.
We are a Craft business, there are two of us here and we have one car.
(stifled laughter from the other end.)
You don't use much diesel then?
It's a petrol car.
Sorry to bother you, goodbye